Nazis is a sketch in the 1st episode of the 2nd series of That Mitchell and Webb Sound, about two Nazi soldiers who realize that, in World War 2, they may in fact be the "baddies".
The "Nazis" begins with Hans, in a trench, receiving a phone call, then talking to his comrade about an oncoming barrage from the Allied forces in World War II. His fellow Nazi soldier asks if he has looked at the caps of their uniforms recently. At first confused, Hans questions his ally as to what his meaning is. The second Nazi soldier questions if they are, in fact, the "baddies" of the war because there are skulls on their caps.
Later, while Hans is trying to come up with tactics to fight the Allies, the second Nazi continues to question "why skulls?". Hans tries to make him feel better by suggesting they are the skulls of their enemies, and when the second Nazi associates them with pirates, he says that pirates are fun. The second Nazi says that, while they may be fun, pirates are still the baddies. He goes on to say that the Allies call them baddies. Hans insists that the Allies will of course call them the "baddies", but his comrade rebukes that the Allies did not design the Nazi uniforms. They discuss the better Allied symbols as opposed to skulls, and Hans says that at least their symbol is not a rat's anus. Suddenly, Hans begins to notice the skulls all across their base, from a skull ashtray, to a man drinking from a skull mug, to another Nazi knitting a skull scarf. They realise that they are, in fact, the baddies, and run away from the base.
- Hans: - A German Nazi in WW2.
- Second Nazi: - Curious as to the meaning of the skulls on their caps.
- Third Nazi: - Knitting a skull scarf.
- Second Nazi: Have you noticed that our caps actually have little pictures of skulls on them?
- Hans: I don't... er-
- Second Nazi: Hans... are we the baddies?
- Second Nazi: I mean, what do skulls make you think of? Death... cannibals... beheading... pirates...
- Hans: Pirates are fun!
- Second Nazi: I didn't say we weren't fun, but fun or not pirates are still the baddies.
- Second Nazi: (regarding the Allies) Their symbols are all quite nice! Stars, stripes, lions, sickles...
- Hans: What's so good about a sickle?
- Second Nazi: Well, nothing, and if there's one thing we've learn in the last thousand miles of retreat it's that Russian agriculture is in dire need of mechanisation.
- Hans: Tell me about it.
- Second Nazi: But, you gotta say, it's better than a skull. I mean, I really can't think of anything worse, as a symbol, than a skull!
- Hans: What about a... rat's anus.